Battling Doubting Voices: Where Inspiration Comes From

 

battling-doubting-voices-where-does-inspiration-come-fromA life is rebuilt with delicate care and enormous amounts of faith and tenacity. At birth Peacequility hit resistance by a voice carefully chosen to speak truth to my heart during such a time. The words from that voice divided my heart.

“What will you do when you run out of ideas?”

A fair question when spoken in naïve innocence but this voice questioned more than provoked, doubted more than believed. New to the craft those words punctured my belief that inspiration could continue.

Daily those words and I went to battle. Insecure and unskilled I wondered if those words knew something I didn’t. For months those words and I battled.

One discouraged day, those words won. Computer and notebook pushed aside I laid the craft aside and I knelt to doubt. I believed God called me to write publicly but didn’t understand the purpose and lost resolved. I quit; the sting of failure licked my wound daily.

Perhaps those words were right.

Those words tested my heart no different from the many tests Israel faced in the Old Testament and even today. God intentionally left obstacles in the Israelite’s path to test their heart’s resolve to love and serve Him alone. Those words were difficult for me and I gave them more power than God. Oddly, it’s those words, the doubt they summon, that keep my pride prone heart looking to God more than people and a platform.

I’ve spoken such words to others, you have too if you’re honest, words that piece the moment they’re spoken, when the light of the heart dims from the eyes. Not long ago recognizing I uttered such words would lead to regret, but I believe such words are part of life’s process of sorting our hearts desires, wants, wishes and calling. Not that I want to hurt someone but recognizing that best said words to a shifting heart can cause friction that leads to redemption.

We need struggle to exfoliate our soul.

We need to wait to grow our understanding and resolve.

We need faith to sustain the call.

Time away from the craft left my soul longing because wilderness wandering will cure a heart over time. God is relentless in pursuing our hearts and herding the least willing into obedience.

Hesitantly I pushed doubt’s long tentacles aside, unwrapping its grip as needed. Over the past few years I’ve repeated this process. Even still those words are the words and conversation that reappear in my heart and mind. Where I am today shifted because of those words and I find myself grateful.

Bent on being a success and acquiescing to failure produced a healthy balance:

fail-forward

Fail forward into God’s arms and you’ll be blessed.

My concept of success grew because of those words. Those words cultivated a sensitivity to the world and circumstances around me. Looking around I see the duplicity of our happy and hurting world. Most agree that a glance at Facebook is like looking at polished lives, but what about daily life…

When we look at the movement of a person and notice loneliness despite a slew of people surrounding them.

When we can see the earlier years and imagine our later years when interacting with an elderly person.

When we look in the eyes of a woman and see brokenness caused by abuse.

Noting youth’s achievements and unhampered belief a fair world can be created with a few simple changes.

When we see history’s cycle unfolding before our eyes and are powerless to stop it.

Untapped inspiration comes when we hold the cross like a kaleidoscope that skews the scene and reveals the overriding opportunity for hope and healing. But inspiration doesn’t spring from the broken alone.

The family defying the odds and sticking together.

The single person living a full life despite a heart’s longing for a spouse.

The co-worker that willingly shares seasoned advice without disdain or superiority.

The laughter dinner with friends that echoes with contentedness.

Inspiration is everywhere we look and especially found when we allow God to search our heart’s to discard the sin and reveal areas of strength and blessing. Where’s your inspiration today?

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