Waiting: When a Spouse’s Wants & Needs Are Blurred



Any of you have husbands who are car guys? My husband loves cars. A drawback he faced as a Realtor in California revolved around cars. He felt well received pulling up to appointments in his beautiful Lexus sedan but betrayed his inner car soul. Constantly he longed for another Jeep or a truck.

Last fall, after many Jeepless years my husband bought an old Jeep. I loved giving a “yes” to the Jeep. But less than a year later things changed.

With our move came a “need” for a truck.

Some people do affirmations, my husband gave me daily truckfirmations.

“The sedan won’t cut it in the snow.”

“We’ll need a truck for hauling things.”

“I’ll need a truck for getting around rural property.”

Before we discussed the topic he began a search for a truck. You probably know how this goes….next thing I know he’s spouting off truck options as if we’d agreed on buying a truck and the search was active. Because we strive to live financially free (and we’ve lived a roller coaster of income brackets in freedom) we save and purchase quality used cars with cash.

I’m sharing this with you not to boast but to encourage you that financial freedom is overwhelmingly amazing. Do whatever you can to relieve yourself of debts and stay the course. It will bless you every day when you find you’re not stressed and strapped over making a payment towards debt. Financial freedom also sets an example for kids and builds an understanding of economy and self-control. If you don’t know how to do this, Dave Ramsey’s classes are simple and if you do the work, you’ll reap the rewards!

As the money manager I have the displeasure of giving many no’s. It’s especially miserable to decline my hard-working bread-winning husband. Grounded in our commitment to financial freedom I presented an option to purchase a truck to my husband:

Sell your sedan and use the proceeds and funds currently available in the car fund to buy a truck.

The only problem? “Have you seen what type of truck that much money will get you?” We laughed because he sounded like a teenager!

Desire is a strong motivation for solving problems so I intentionally didn’t invest my time in looking at the available trucks for sale. I did present another less desirable option:

Sell your sedan, sell the Jeep and bundle those proceeds with the car fund to buy a truck.

He reeled at the notion of selling the Jeep. I knew this decision needed to be solely his and didn’t pressure him though I encouraged him to consider his assets, wants and needs.

Ultimately he decided to sell both assets. He sold the Lexus to Car Max for a fair price and wanted his truck NOW (Veruca Salt). However, he still needed the proceeds from the selling the Jeep and the Jeep sat on the market.

He grew restless.

He badgered.

It was miserable for everyone.

(Few compare to my level of stubbornness and I respect his level of persuasive stubbornness.)

He dragged us out looking at trucks sucking hours of already disappearing time. Guess what, he found what he wanted! It’s sickening when everything you desire is at your fingertips and it cannot be yours because you skipped valuable steps.

Unfortunately this is how most people live. They reason and justify…

I’ll live with my boyfriend before we get married.

It’s okay to buy that on credit because it will help me.

We’ll have a baby together because we love each other and are committed.

I know the mortgage stretches us far outside our comfort zone but let’s get it anyway.

Those who love us keep us in check. My husband keeps me in check and in this case, I kept him in check. Buying the truck didn’t align with our financial philosophy so I held the ground.

It required countless painful no’s.

I’m a yes girl and the many no’s began to suffocate my heart, especially once he set his heart on the particular available truck. I attempted to encourage him with how good God is to us, how much God cares, provides and will bless our faithful living, though the truth felt flimsy and empty when I looked in his eyes.

As we drove back to California our we had an accepted offer on a property there and suddenly, the phone kept ringing with interested buyers in the Jeep. Two days later the Jeep changed owners and my husband held the funds needed for the truck. The problem?

It sold the day before.


Disappointed doesn’t come close to his disposition.

God makes us wait.

We waited for buyers, we waited for offers to be accepted and we wait for things we don’t understand. We don’t realize it in the moment, we grumble, we become sad, frustrated and we work through our disappointment. At the end of the process hearts shift and God is ready to make His move.

After recovering from his disappointment my husband came to me thrilled. He found the same truck, same miles, same price but with more bells and whistles than imaginable. I don’t think he’ll be complaining about a heated steering wheel during winter’s storms or air-conditioned seats during summer’s heat!

God loves you and me. He wants to lavish us with blessings (not always material). When we wait patiently and humbly for His timing His provision is overwhelming.

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