Waiting Without Answers

waiting-without-answers

People expect answers; they expect a plan to be fully developed and well thought out before put into motion. Our plan’s structure was singular: God. The questions came as we dispelled the news. Sometimes those questions unnerved my soul, “Are we really following God or are we just crazy?”

I understood fully that the words pouring from my mouth were ridiculous in today’s Western World. Fortunately for me, many faith anchors many friends that makes the ridiculous understandable. Those friends fed my soul with encouraging words that soothed my nervous heart, yet I find myself equally grateful for those friends and those who doubted. Those who doubted offered a different fodder for my soul; they tried my faith and solidified my convictions.

The more questions I engaged, the stronger my heart grew. That however didn’t represent the ache that began to grow as I looked incredible people in the eyes aware that could be the last time. (Since my dad’s death I never underestimate the harsh reality of our broken world.)

Remember when you found out your family would grow by one in nine months and you called your VIP’s? Maybe you’ve been on the receiving end of the courtesy call. There are some people too important to simply hear through the grapevine. I waited a week before telling people, even people I consider important to my heart, to make personal connections.

His death, a significant church fracture and chronic illness between my bull’s-eye friends meant I our news must be delivered personally not trickled down through the rumor mill. Once my bull’s-eye girls heard the news spread freely and the questions came.

Why?

Why would you leave family?

Why would you leave your business that’s striving?

Where are you going?

How did this happen?

What will Steve do for work?

When will you leave?

How on earth is a school day only four days? How do they do that?

As you know, the answer was simple: God. God said.

Even now, my answer is simple when people ask, “How did you end up here?”

God.

Sometimes I can elaborate, other times it’s obvious people think you’re a lunatic. (I probably am to be fair but that has nothing to do with my faith.)

The most common question: When

People always wanted to know when the big move would happen but for the first couple weeks we didn’t have an answer.

One day I simply booked the truck. I didn’t know when but I knew I needed to be present to start my new job and I knew when our real estate transactions should close. I prayed before booking the truck,

“I have no idea what Your plans are Lord, but I know you put us in this position. I’m booking this truck in faith that this is your timeline, but it’s up to You.” (It sure was up to God. Everything under the sun happened to delay our move and closings!)

Then the questions came from another direction- my new boss.

“When are you going to get here?”

That question represented a concern from those who chose to offer me the position in the first place. “Can she get here in time?”

The booked moving truck never felt certain in my heart, but sometimes our hearts mislead us and I confidently answered my new principal, “We’re heading up August first!”

Grateful for an answer but unnerved by many loose ends my confidence came through faith. Why not? We’re supposed to have faith like Abraham and actions like Joshua. I didn’t know what, when or why God was transplanting us again, but I knew enough to know it didn’t matter. God has His way regardless of our answers.

People wanted answers that I didn’t have, but I had the one answer every Christian is called to have: The reason for my hope. I don’t need to know the details, I need to be available and I was.

 “Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your hope as a believer, always be ready to explain it.” I Peter 3:15 (NLT)

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2 responses to “Waiting Without Answers

  1. YES! I feel you so much. We are having all those questions as we talk about our upcoming international move. And for us, we can talk about our plans but we know that our plans and God’s are often very different. So, we are trying to even hold our plans loosely at this point. It’s such a hard place to be but also a beautiful place – that place of complete hope, knowing it can’t happen without Him. It’s a good place to be, grows us so much!

    • Indeed it is a beautiful place to be fully dependent on God. The reality of facing limited ability and resources quickly reveals how majestic and loving our God is. I’ve been praying for your move off and on so it’s fun to get this little window into your move! I’m excited to see what God does for your family!

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