Waiting, Desires and Determination


Waiting, desires & Determination

If you like do-overs in life, become a Christian. Not only does Jesus provide a new life, when you completely drop the ball or foul out of the game, Jesus typically gives another opportunity to run the play again.

As you recall, I’d already put on a show for the world when I blamed my husband for my poor performance at the interview and turned the thermostat in my home to miserable for everyone. I’d also repented and a new wait provided a new opportunity to follow my Captain and finish the play successfully.

“Will you really follow Me?”

God's Work in the Wait

At the start of this adventure my heart surrendered and proclaimed, “Where You go, stay or move, I will follow You.” Now that I tasted and saw a land flowing of milk and honey my heart became distracted and plans blurred. I wanted to live there. Stuck in another wait gave me time to contemplate who and what I followed.

Desires & Plans

We have natural desires that we attempt to fit into God’s plans and desires from God we attempt to bring to life in our way and on our timeline. I’m an expert on both. Either way, even if situations turned out “fine”, the blessings God desired for me passed by. I didn’t want to miss out again.

During those days God brought to mind the answer to our initial simple prayer, “Where do you want us to go?”.  I remembered the peace I felt about moving to Idaho after we traveled through various states, even the subtle peace that grew as we traveled further north in the state itself. I recalled how I found this teaching position, the conversations with district staff and the invitation to interview all of which felt like an extension of a deeper hearts desire, a desire greater than myself. Confidence in God matured in the wait.

This didn’t change the anticipation of the phone call, it repositioned how I would receive any news.

Forbidden Fruit

Following God shifts our desires and the unique way He carries out plans remind us of His sovereignty. When prayerfully following Jesus we should expect the Holy Spirit to quietly lead and direct our lives. I accepted that my heart’s desires are not the enemy or the forbidden fruit when following God’s checks and balances: Ask, seek, pray repeat. However, my past reflects something different.

Ask, Seek, Pray Repeat

Growing up my mom often pointed out the wake of destruction left in my path when charging forward. With my eyes set on a goal I became a steamroller and extracted results by all means necessary. I’ve spent the last decade trying to live differently and especially in this instance I didn’t want casualties.

Wrong Numbers

When the phone rang with the 208 area code I braced myself until I heard an unfamiliar voice. Unenthused, I scheduled the final interview with another district pursuing me. It’s nice to be wanted, but I didn’t want them.

The unexpected peace I felt there was singular, but I didn’t want causalities. I wanted to follow, trust and obey. If my words, “Where you go, stay or move, I will follow You” are true then I must move forward fairly with all opportunities.

An Honest Call

I tinkered on making a follow-up call and took the plunge after consulting with my spiritual mentor. She reassured me I wasn’t invoking my will by making the simple call.

I don’t know what I said, but shortly after I spoke with the personnel administrator I received the anticipated call. What the future held would soon be revealed and I felt prepared.

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