Assuming fear could no longer debilitate me, that I had my Achilles heel under control, I find myself betrayed. Nightly tossing and turning slumber is a mirage my racing mind and searching soul rarely find.
Passionate, the small voice deep in my heart has much to say and do. Easily stoked, the passion flows steady like the slow burn of coal in a locomotive’s engine. Seemingly nothing could snuff out the driving determination to put actions and words to the glow. Perhaps nothing needed to.
The small voice intimidation paired with insecurity then joined the chorus with failure, shame, uncertainty, and unworthiness. Individually manageable voices, together a new lethal concoction created a paralyzing fear and unrest deep in my soul.
Have you ever felt like a paradoxical living death? Media regularly portrays death as gruesome and grim denying it quiet shrewd intelligence. Individually, these meager voices laid gentle lethal talons in my heart that casually and deliberately shut the coal’s firedoor. Thwarted for several months, tonight this choir meets the dull light of my computer screen and radiant light of my God.
While everyone dreams I face these cursed voices but tonight it’s different. Tonight, these voices are brought to light, every fear and failure hiding in the deepest darkest crevasses of my heart shrink in the light of my Creator’s love and Savior’s forgiveness.
Tonight I pull myself (again) from the box I’ve put myself in. Sigh. I am no longer a slave to the image others’ have of me or the box they have placed me in. I walk freely, unhindered, unbound and unshackled from the victories I’ve had and mess of mistakes I’ve made because I walk in the shadow of my Savior.
Heart Check: What voices are you listening to? Are you being snuffed out and put on the sidelines or are you walking boldly and freely?