A once naïve girl who anticipated only the best from others was again struck, this time by the secrets only divorce can reveal. Preparing for the daily onslaught of news I received was impossible. When the IRS froze my bank accounts the degree of my blindness was beginning to emerge.
Back in my parents house each night I uncomfortably climbed into the small twin bed. My chest felt tight, exasperated by whatever alarming news that day had revealed. Attempting to maintain professional composure while navigating the final destruction of my marriage proved the world was too weighty for my worn being.
Tears streamed down my cheeks pooling in the creases of the pillowcase. After years of abuse, more tears seemed impossible, but these were different. These drops were of vulnerability relinquishing control to God. Continually leading me to security in God, David’s psalms echoed the voice of my heart.
“He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day…” Psalm 91: 4-5
Yes, lying there in bed, alone physically for the first time in years, eyes swollen, cheeks red hot and tacky, I would find myself under God’s shadowy wings. Imagery speaking clearly to the protection and care God desires for each of us; imagery that was tangible to my tattered being. There I found rest.
At the end of the day, we need to say goodbye to all else but our Father. Consider guests. As much as I love the arrival of guests, I welcome the peace and active calm that follows their departure; the lingering thoughts reflecting on the visit enjoying highlights while rooms are brought back to order. Ultimately, precious as they are, we say GOODBYE.
The opportunities for the thief to steal my God-given right to rest are many and relentless. The snap-crackle-pop from the evening show intended to help me wind down, the final touches on dawns daily docket, work demands and a fierce parenting pep-talk take turns at my minds podium. The insane state of world events can rob my soul of peace. A deteriorating body can keep me tossing and turning. The choice for rest doesn’t change because of our circumstances.
Who lies in bed with you? The lead from your favorite show? A storyline from a book your reading? The most recent incident in breaking news? Plaguing thoughts about work, money, school, kids, marriage ____? We rest in our private space, so what about making rest exactly that, by invitation only? What about saying, “Goodbye” to all else as we nestle ourselves beneath the shelter of his wings?
Rest wags the dog, so consider the days tail a more intimate and sacred event. Just as we wouldn’t expect our friends to pile in bed with us after an evenings visit, don’t invite the distractions to your resting space.
Seriously, can you imagine your guests in your bedroom watching you sleep?
I’d love to hear about you! How do you find rest when life is nutty?