For nearly a year I realized something wasn’t quite right with my body. Test. Wait. Test. Wait……..I could feel something in my tummy. I felt pain. I was anxious.
Though I’m not excited about the process best summed up by Romans 5:3-5 these verses have proved true in my life.
“...but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.“
The process of facing the unknown with my body; the frailty of MY life and letting go trusting that even though it doesn’t make sense and terrifies me, God has a plan has been a vigorous challenge. A very dear friend of mine set an example for me through her suffering: delve deeper into the Bible get to know God for who HE IS- not what we’ve made Him. Through this period of uncertainty, I have done just that- clung to God. The dividends have been priceless.
Wester culture breeds a thought that love = easy; good. My God has challenged that philosophy by taking what is difficult and painful to prove His love by being by my side to me during a period of life that would normally prove to be paralyzing. It hasn’t been easy but it surly has been good!
God has given me peace and met me where I’m at through this process of waiting….the CT tech that offered words of encouragement, the doctor who had a miserable bedside demeanor but took care to review my file and found there was more than meets the eye, the random phone calls and texts from a few friends that were encouraging and reminded me God IS in CONTROL, the reassurance provided to me while reading bible stories to my kids, the verses that God would bring to my mind in the wee hours of the morning when I would begin to fret that allowed me to return to a peaceful sleep….along the way, there have been so many ways that God has reached out to show his compassion, love and tenderness to me. He met me where I was at every time.
After nearly a year, which isn’t long in the world of medical diagnostics, the tangible tangerine size mass in my abdomen was set to be removed. I went in for surgery; the mass was G.O.N.E. It wasn’t a cyst and it could be palpated and it was MISSING. My insides look great! I do however have a tangible souvenir of the surgery: the clip from having my tubes tied (because i didn’t want to go through the pain of losing another baby; I was afraid) had come off! I thought I was in control of my life down to my fertility….the joke is on me!
SURRENDER has been the theme of my life over the past few years and God continually takes this to a new level! If you think you can control your life- just give it up now and start enjoying God’s blessings and provision! It probably won’t come wrapped the way you wish, but it will prove to be the most fulfilling journey.
Heart Check: Are you looking for God’s fingerprint in your life? How is God meeting you where you’re at? What little ways is He encouraging you?
Post Script: There are many people in my life who are physically suffering and have lost loved ones to disease. When my process began, in my mind, I thought it was a death sentence because of the number of people I know dying or who have died from disease. I would fight to find some encouragement, but with so many sick people, it was difficult . Perhaps this will prove to be an encouragement to you or someone you know.
Post Script to Friends: Normally I’m a blabber mouth but I needed to know more about this before discussing it with others. Please do not be hurt by reading it with everyone else.