Living With Myself: Shut Down

Have you ever lived with yourself? Experienced what it’s like to be on the other side, the receiving side of whatever it is that you dish out? Currently I’ve been living with myself. If you haven’t tried it, it’s an eye opener and to be sure, not for the faint of heart. It’s easy for me, a recovering perfectionist who has mastered the skill of criticism, to focus on shortcomings and indiscretions, perhaps because they are many, but as I go through this short series, I promise to show some of the positive realities of living with myself.

Living with myself has revealed I have a knee-jerk reaction guised as “being honest” or “being candid” that is just down-right hurtful. On the bright side, my children escape this, on the down side, my husband who needs equal consideration, does not. I’ve convinced myself he’s an adult and “can handle it”, but really, that’s an excuse to be lazy with my words and actions (what a way to treat the number one in my life, right?).

Scenarios look a bit like this (maybe you can relate): Idea is presented. INSTANT, not missing-a-beat response to the other party: All the reasons why it’s wrong, won’t work, isn’t well thought out…It’s like a judge in court pounding the gavel while looking down scornfully at the defense.

It’s no wonder that this man who once shared his inner mind with me is now guarded. It’s not a surprise fortresses are being erected.

Demolition time must begin and it all starts with me not wielding, consciously laying my tongue to rest.

Heart Check: What’s your weapon of mass destruction that you need to lay to rest?




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