You feel it? I sure do. Yup, I feel completely naked now as a mommy. This was a gradual change at first, but now, snowball effect is in full force and it seems to be getting out-of-hand! It seems like anytime I head somewhere or am around people while with my young children, I am exposed, naked, for the fraud of a mommy that I am. Yes, they’re MY kids, even from my belly, but sometimes, in those crazy moment of chaos, I feel like I’m failing so miserably there’s not way I would be considered a mom.
Case in point: While visiting a friend who just had her first baby, my son decided to tune me out and live-and-let-live. Just as things in that area had finally gotten under raps and we were gearing up to head home, low and behold, my angelic daughter spews vomit like Old Faithful all over the carpet (carpet and kids….sheesh, that’s an entirely separate post)….again and again….there I was, deer caught in headlights- naked.
This degree of humbling is not at all what I bargained for. NOT. AT. ALL. For some reason though, I wouldn’t trade it in. The multiple “humiliating” instances have revealed to me that I take myself entirely too seriously. Kids get sick. Kids have power struggles. Kids are not perfect…I guess the challenge to accept is- I’m not perfect.
I’m naked because I’ve chosen to shield myself from reality with the cloak of perfection. Life isn’t about perfection. Take that away, what’s left? Truly, I’m learning a new way of life. I’m uneasy and uncertain what that means, but I’m done with the hiding (and certainly don’t ever want robotic children).
How about you, what’s shield are you hiding beneath? Is it worth it?